So, what news?

Well it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I’ve been rather busy with work and it’s left me with little head-space to think and reflect, so there’s been nothing I’ve been inspired to write about.  But I thought  I ought to let you know (those of you who are interested) what is going on in my life…

Having returned from Paraguay in December 2009, I first looked for work as a supply (substitute) teacher in Reading, Berkshire, where I’d lived previously.  I got a few days of work in early 2010 and then a job came up in a school really close to where I was living, so I applied.  It was only a 1-year contract, and I thought it would give me a salary and a bit of stability for a time.  I got the job (somewhat to my surprise, because the school is very successful and I didn’t really see myself as the kind of person they would ideally want).   I started in February 2010.  I found the school to be everything I expected (and feared) it would be but in September they asked if I would stay beyond February and finish the academic year, working until July 2011.  I said yes, because it offered a bit more stability and I didn’t have any other ideas of what I wanted to do.   I love the children I teach, but I haven’t been particularly happy at the school.  So when this February just gone they asked me if I would stay on in the job permanently, I declined the offer.  Without any firm future plans.  It felt right at the time and it still does.  Though I still don’t have a job for September, I am glad to be leaving the school.

I have been applying for teaching jobs in special schools and nursery schools and have had interviews but no job offers.  This also feels part of a plan.  I feel as though God is guiding me in a new direction, but I can’t quite see which direction it might be.

I have been privileged to be working in the same community where I go to church and where I also live.  I enjoy seeing children and parents from school at church, in the local shop, down the street.  It has helped me feel a sense of belonging to this part of Reading.  I like my church very much – it’s a bit bigger than my ideal-sized church, but full of friendly people and the potential to get involved.  I’ve been blessed to have a supportive and prayerful home group.  I recently participated in a church production of The Mark Drama which gave expression to my love of acting as well as teaching me new things about God and helping me feel even more part of the church.

My good friend A and her family live very nearby and it has been just wonderful to spend time with them and get to know the children (one of whom is my now 5-year-old goddaughter).  I live a 40-minute drive away from my other good friend S and her family, in Oxford.  I have really appreciated getting to be part of their lives on a more day-to-day basis.

I do miss my friends from Paraguay.  I was part of a community of believers there and, after 4 years, I felt known and appreciated for who I am.  I have not reached that point here by a long stretch, and sometimes it is tiring at church and at work being around people who don’t really know me.

Me and my brother at his wedding

My brother got married in April and it was a joyful occasion of family celebration.  My parents will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this summer, which will also be a happy time, I’m sure.

I have begun to sew stuff… I decided I wanted to develop a creative interest that would produce something useful.  I have a friend in Paraguay who inspired me to give quilting a go.  So I’ve made a couple of cushion covers, a baby’s ball (for S’s newborn) and I’m in the middle of a ‘throw’ to snuggle under while watching the telly… it’s been very rewarding to be creative in this way.  I play the flute once in a while.  Last time I was home I finally brought my guitar back and have been known to strum for five minutes here and there.  I’ve been appreciating the closeness of the countryside to where I’m living – it’s a five-minute walk to the Thames and there is a very pleasant walk along the river I do quite regularly.

Apart from that my life is consumed with work.  Not because I like it this way, but because the English education system (and my school in particular) places unreasonable demands on teachers.  I rarely work fewer than 50 hours a week, and usually it’s more like 60.  And I still feel as though I don’t do a good enough job.   It’s frustrating and I’m not prepared to put up with it.  So that’s one of the main reasons I’m looking for something new.  I only wish I knew what that was…

The Importance of Being Vulnerable

A humorous and thought-provoking talk by a “storyteller researcher”

Singleness & The Church

I recently watched a discussion about singles and the church and got increasingly frustrated by the prevailing attitude on display.  They seemed to be saying, “I’m single. I’m not happy. God wants me to be happy, therefore he wants me to be married.”

RUBBISH!  Where do they get that from?  I don’t see it in the Bible.  Just because Adam and Eve got married, doesn’t mean that every human being from then on would also get married.  Adam needed another human with whom to have a loving relationship, and all humans need that.  But it doesn’t need to be a marriage relationship.  We don’t need sex in order to live.  Jesus didn’t marry.  Why should we assume that God wants us to?

I find that too many discussions about singleness in the church centre around how difficult it is to find a husband (it’s mostly women who are talking about it after all!) and how terrible it is that the church isn’t doing more to attract men into it.

I see the issue from a different angle.  I agree that being a single Christian in a relationship-orientated secular and church culture is hard.  And it gets harder the older we get.  However…

God is bigger than my desire to get married, bigger than the lack of men in the church.  He is not sitting there, going, “oh dear, whatever are we going to do about Fiona’s singleness?”  He’s not saying, “Oh no, look at the church, it’s doing a terrible job at providing husbands for these poor girls.  I wish it would get itself organised.”  He’s bigger than the church’s lack of vision or understanding of the issue.

At the end of the day, if it would serve his purposes for me to get married then he will provide someone for me to marry – and it may be that he would lead me to join a singles network or internet dating site to facilitate this.  If, on the other hand, I can serve him better as a single person, then why would I want to go out and get myself a husband at all costs?  I would be missing out on God’s best for me.

God knows me far better than I know myself.  He knows better than I do what’s good for me.  And he has promised to provide for all my needs.  If he hasn’t given me a husband then that’s because I don’t need one, no matter how much I might feel that I do.  And, while being single in a marriage-orientated church culture can entail a lot of pain, there is so much that God can teach us through the pain and the heartache, if we’ll only listen rather than keep shouting, “But I want to get married!”

We need to acknowledge the pain.  We need to grieve the disappointment of unrealised dreams.  And we need to find our way through it with God’s grace.  And, though it may take a long, long time, we WILL get through it, and we’ll be stronger on the other side.  There’s a song by Lilly Goodman called “sin dolor” which has comforted me during the hard times.  In it, she sings about how pain is horrible, yet without it, we don’t grow and it’s often in the hard times that our gifts are awakened, and we are enabled to meet what God has in store for us around the corner.

There is a real danger that we become obsessed with this issue.  It begins to define our lives.  Our hopes and our dreams become bound up in it and we stop looking for what God might be doing in & through our lives in general and, in particular, this painful situation.  All we can see is how we’re not getting what we want.  And the focus is on us, rather than on God, who should be the centre of our lives.

God is able.  Trust him to provide you with what you need.  Look to him for fulfillment and joy.  Marriage is not the answer.  Only God can satisfy.

This is an edited version of a discussion starter previously posted on the OSCARactive social network.

Donald Miller on pain

Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, has been inspiring me lately through his writings… here’s a snippet from a recent blog post:

What God wants to do with our pain is turn it into ministry, into an empathy that will heal others. Some of the darkest seasons in your life may turn into a gift for somebody else. And if we are willing to allow our pain and hardship to be used to help others, our pain is given dignity. (Read more)

I really like the way he writes.  The ideas may not necessarily be new to me, but they are presented in such a way that I am struck by them with a fresh force.  I like being challenged to see life, the world and God in a new light, and that’s what Donald Miller’s writing is doing for me at the moment…

It’s about love and relationships

This is a short extract from a much longer and excellent piece, Salvation is Societal by Onesimus Online:

And what it means to be saved is to enter into the transformative relationship of love with the Holy Trinity, a relationship that requires our own responses of love, both to God the Trinity and to our neighbor. Biblical salvation has to do with relationships. (Read more)

We are very used to an individualistic way of seeing things in the West, and we have superimposed our cultural values onto Christianity and think that our kind of Christianity is the only kind.  But we are far from the truth in many ways.  Christianity was born in community and we risk missing out on some of the best things it has to offer if we insist on living out our faith in an individualistic way.  Praise God for Christians from other cultures who can teach us how to see our faith through other cultural lenses, so we can learn to discard the parts of our style of Christianity which have more to do with our culture than with Christ.

HT: Kouya Chronicle

Goodbyes and Hellos

Endings

After four years in Paraguay, my second short-term contract with SIM has ended and I have now returned to the UK.

My last few months in Paraguay saw me doing more writing projects for the sim.org website. I made another trip out to remote areas where I heard great stories about how God is working in rural communities, bringing light and life into the darkness and brightening lives with hope and love.

I also got to write a new version of the Paraguay country profile for sim.org, which you can find here.

I felt very sure that leaving Paraguay was the right thing to do, but it was hard. After four years, I had become very close to some of my Paraguayan and missionary colleagues. Saying those goodbyes was not easy. I was grateful for the opportunities I had to tell people how much they had meant to me and was encouraged to hear others say nice things about me.

Me with FEISA colleagues Ana, Susi and Noemí at a goodbye dinner

Beginnings

I left Paraguay in mid-December and have spent Christmas with my family. The difficult transition from a tropical climate in the middle of summer to the UK in December was made easier by the joy of experiencing the snow!

Now I am back in my home culture and beginning to re-adjust to a very different lifestyle from the one I just left.

On a Boxing Day walk with my family

In the New Year I will be moving to Reading, where I hope to get some work as a supply teacher. I have been asked to do a few days in a Nursery school in January and the Head there told me she would be happy to give my name to other schools she knows, so that’s a start.

As for the longer term, I am investigating the possibility of going to Canada to work in the SIM office in Quebec. The job involves getting people interested and involved in overseas mission and it sounds right up my street! I will have to apply to become a long-term member of SIM and, if successful, will need to raise financial support before I head off across the Atlantic once more. The process is very unlikely to be complete before 2011, so I will have a good year in this country, at least.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have prayed for me and all those who have given financial and emotional support during my time in Paraguay. You have blessed me more than you can know with your sacrificial giving of time, energy and resources. You have encouraged and comforted me and I thank God for each one of you.

Goodbyes are hard

My friend Sarah has written a post about me leaving here

Sarah comes from New York state and is an introvert like me.  We have had fun times and good conversations and I feel very blessed to have had the privilege of being her friend for these years.  When I first met her, I remember thinking, “I hope we get to be friends.”  And we did.

One of the hardest things about this ‘missionary’ life is saying goodbyes.  Yet I am so very grateful for all the people I’ve met and made friends with so all in all, I think it’s worth it!

Love to you Sarah; stay strong and keep your eyes on God as the author and perfecter of our faith.  He gives us a sure hope in a future glory and He will not disappoint us.

Storytelling

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had the privilege of spending time in the company of a master storyteller… John Walsh came to teach the SIM-Paraguay team about storytelling as a tool for teaching people the Bible.

He told us that 75% of the Bible is stories. That’s a pretty big proportion. And yet, how many times do we hear the stories told? In sermons and Bible studies we get a lot of good teaching, but I, for one, rarely hear the actual stories being told as stories.

Stories are more engaging, more exciting, more emotionally-involving than the average sermon. For me, expository preaching gets into my head and I learn things from it, but when I hear a story, it gets into my heart and becomes part of me in a more profound way.

It was very exciting to hear John tell stories from the Bible and teach us how to tell them ourselves, without memorising them. As part of the process, we talked about our favourite parts of the story and we were asked to describe some of the scenes and characters as we imagined them. We then got into groups or pairs and, guided by John, talked about aspects of our lives which were relevant to the story we had heard. We also got to choose whether to do some artwork, a dance, a theatrical performance or a song telling the same story. By the end of the sessions, I was far more familiar with Elijah’s story than I ever have been before!

I have been inspired to try it out for myself. So, the next time I see you, don’t be surprised if I ask you to let me tell you a story!

Waiting on God

A friend of mine recently shared with me Psalm 25:4-5 as a truth she thought might speak into my situation.  She was right.  Later that day, I was reading “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray, and came across the very same verse, and a short explanation of what it means to wait on the Lord.

Psalm 25:4-5 (NIV):

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Saviour, and my hope is in you all day long.

Andrew Murray:

As simple as it is, to one who has eyes, to walk all the day in the light of the sun, so simple and delightful can it become to a soul practised  in waiting on God, to walk all the day in the enjoyment of God’s light and leading.  What is needed to help us to such a life is just one thing – the real knowledge and faith of God as the one only source of wisdom and goodness, as ever ready, and longing much to be to us all that we can possibly require.  Yes, this is the one thing we need!  If we but saw our God in His love, if we but believed that He waits to be gracious, that He waits to be our life and to work all in us – how this waiting on God would become our highest joy, the natural and spontaneous response of our hearts to His great love and glory!

pp 34-35

This is a time of transition for me.  I am moving from Paraguay, where I have lived for the past four years, back to the UK.  I do not know what the future holds, either long-term or short-term.  These transitions between cultures and from one clearly established role within a group, such as I’ve had with the SIM team here, to an unknown future, are difficult times.  There is a feeling of unsettled-ness and it is an emotional time of goodbyes.  My stress levels are up and my defences are down; in the past couple of days, I’ve developed a head cold and mouth ulcers… I really need to trust in the Lord and wait on him right now.

I know that he will provide everything I need, including guidance at the right time.  However, it is hard to keep my focus on God in the midst of organising and packing and moving and job-hunting and house-hunting…

So it was a timely reminder (twice!) to look to him and wait on him.  He is all I need and all I want.  May I come to know the joy of waiting on him with patience and peace.

Be Radical This Christmas

Here’s a cool video from Advent Conspiracy, promoting an initiative to get people to spend less and give more this Yuletide season…

You don’t necessarily have to join their initiative, but I think the principle is quite wonderful. Consumerism has become out of hand, especially at this time of year. Let’s think twice before spending tons of money and buying countless gifts for people who already know we love them. Instead let’s spread God’s love by giving wisely and generously to those who are in real need.